Juggle: 1. To perform feats of dexterity, especially by tossing objects in the air and catching them, keeping several objects in the air at the same time. 2. To continue to deal with several things at once, with ingenuity.
Life is so busy that some days I feel as though I am juggling so many balls (or plates or knives or flaming torches) that one day something’s going to fall and hit the ground, making a huge mess.
I hear it all the time: “I don’t know how you do it”.
I’ve always been busy. It’s how I like it. But the past 5 years have been especially busy as I’ve started and completed a University degree, started working almost full time as a Nurse, continued to raise four amazing kids (three of whom have become teenagers in the last 5 years!) and lovingly supported my husband through a season of depression and unemployment.
I hear it all the time: “I don’t know how you do it – you always seem to be coping so well.”
I wouldn’t say the last 5 years have always been joyous, joyful or joy-filled. In fact the opposite has often been true. Ask anyone who has had to love someone with work and stress-induced burnout and depression. It’s no picnic. It’s hard work. There have been a lot of choices and decision to make. There have been lots of tears.
I hear it all the time: “I don’t know how you do it – you’ve always got it so together.”
Oh, if only they knew the secret I was hiding. If only they knew the mask I was wearing. If only they knew that every time I said “I’m fine” I was really crying on the inside. Crying and waiting for something to hit the ground and make a mess.
You see, I didn’t think God was answering me when I prayed. He seemed to be silent. And I was getting tired from all the juggling. My arms were aching. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on controlling the balls (and my life) and I knew everything was about to fall.
So it is time to begin again. It is time to put the balls down. It is time to let God take over the juggling act that is my life.
And next time you look at me and think “I don’t know how she does it”, you’ll know that it’s all one big act of ingenuity.
This is my journey. This is my story.