I assumed You’d always be there

Assumption: 1. A thing that is accepted as true without proof or understanding. 2. A jump to a conclusion.

My husband’s favourite saying is this: “Opinions are like armpits – most people have two and they are usually stink!”

His other favourite saying is: “Don’t assume…because when you do, it makes an ass out of you and me!”

For the record, I want to say please don’t make an assumption about me or my situation just because of my address!

Right now we are living in one of the nicest suburbs in Geelong. I don’t say that to boast. If you don’t believe me, check out the house prices on realestate.com.au! We might not be living right on top of the hill, but we certainly have some amazing views over all of Geelong.

But it’s come at a price.

And that’s what annoys me most. People jump to conclusions about our lives based on where we are living! I recently found this out when I was making phone calls to get the utilities set up before we moved in. As I gave out my address, people reacted very differently towards me compared to the way they reacted when I gave out my old address. It’s amazing what snobs some people are! One man actually commented and said: “Oh, it must be nice living up there!”

And I wanted to scream and shout! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S TAKEN TO GET TO THIS PLACE!

For three long years we lived in a place I’ll call our “waiting” place. It was cold. Dark. Silent. Lonely. Frightening. Challenging. And for me, faith shaking.

For three long years I waited for God to move. I assumed God would always be there and suddenly it seemed like He wasn’t. I waited for God to do something. I waited with uncertainty, a sense of hopelessness, despair, discouragement, disappointment and a growing sense of doubt in a God I had believed in and trusted for over 20 years. During this time I wrote down a very long list of questions for God.

  • Why are You allowing this?
  • What did we do wrong?
  • What is the purpose in this?
  • What are You trying to teach me/show me/say to me?
  • Are you there?
  • Do you care?

And the top question on my list was this: When will we ever get out of this place?

And now we are here. No longer living in that place, but living ‘here’ – renting a beautiful home in a beautiful suburb. But it’s come at a cost. We no longer own our own home (almost a sin in Australian culture!) and we accumulated tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

BUT, we are here. We moved. We survived. We are together. We are happy. We are healthy. We have each other. We have God.

As I watch the sun rise over Geelong through my kitchen window from the vantage point on my “mountaintop”, I thank God that I didn’t completely give up in the last hour of my wait (although I was very very close). I praise God that even though I tried to abandon Him while I was waiting, He never abandoned me.

“I was exhausted from crying for help, my throat was parched, my eyes were swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me” (Psalm 69:3)

Even when it didn’t seem like He was listening, even when it seemed like He was busy with everyone else, even though He missed many opportunities to rescue me from my waiting place, I praise Him because as my heart poured out tears towards heaven, He heard. And eventually answered.

I assumed God would always be there. Sometimes I had no proof or evidence but I assumed He would be there…and I found out that He was.

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4 thoughts on “I assumed You’d always be there

  1. This is your finest hour…..you have verbalised the words of the Old Testamant and every Phophet and believer of God ever. We have at times bought the wrong message from the modern church and that is that we have God on a string. “If we believe it will happen!!”…”If we pray…God will hear.”….in fact all of these things are true but what is not stated is that it all comes together in His timing.
    Who can understand the mind of God ? I remember a beautiful Christan friend saying to me when I was distressed about the whereabouts of her small child” that nothing would happen as they pray for her” This caused me great pain as my own baby had just recently died and she knew this. Had I not prayed enough for him? Who can understand ? And yet even though this is the worst thing to happend to a new parent I see the hand of God was there…I “saw” God crying along with us..I felt Him say ..”He had watched His son die too”…I saw the Fatherhood of God. A gift my darling Michael gave me…a gift I did not know I wanted. I gift that was hard to recieve and yet never forgotten.
    We can’t put God in a box..he isn’t the trained monkey so many well meaning Christians think he is…But He’s there…watching, whispering in our hearts and hugging us in our suffering.
    Why did you go through this tough time Nick.? ..you will one day understand and be grateful . Your relationship with God has been deepened and made richer for it.
    We need to ” Be still and know …….”
    I am very proud of what you have written Nick..the honesty is wonderful. Love you heaps. Jan

    1. As my “favourite Aunt” you’re totally biased (!!!) but I accept your words of encouragement and love. And your words have given me some more blog ideas…stay tuned.
      xxx

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