Faking it

False smile

Fake: 1. Not genuine. 2. Imitation. 3. Counterfeit. 4. A forgery. 5. A sham.

We’ve all seen them. The amazing Facebook or Instagram photos of our friends doing amazing things in amazing places.

You know the ones.

Snap. Here’s me in Paris at the Eiffel tower.

Snap. Here’s my and my gorgeous man eating pizza in Rome!

Snap. Here’s us walking across Abbey Road. #London #amazing

Snap. Here’s me in NYC. #OMG

Snap. Here’s the family on holidays in [insert country name].

Blah blah blah

Snap. And here’s me. At home. In my pj’s. On a Saturday night. Eating takeaway pizza. On my own. #boringlife #jealous

But hang on. Maybe my friends are not on holidays at all. Maybe they’re faking it, like 25 year old Dutch student Zilla van den Born. She took the whole slightly fabricated status update to a whole new level! Get this, she faked a whole month-long overseas holiday in Cambodia – posting photos on her Facebook account!

Why? To show how easy it is to hoodwink people into believing something that’s not real. She wanted to show how social media could be manipulated to make our lives seem something they are not.

And I realise I am guilty of doing the same thing.

Snap. Here’s my perfect [*insert] husband, marriage, kids, dinner, body, life..

Why? Rather than admit I’m tired, worn out, overwhelmed, stressed and disappointed in myself, I fake it. Until I make it. Or until I fall in an exhausted heap.

We live in a world of endless demands on our time, our money, our resources, our emotions. And I for one want to stop faking it and admit that sometimes I struggle to balance my life.

Rather than say ‘no’ to some of the endless demands on my time, I say ‘yes’ because I don’t want to let people down.

You see, I’m a people-pleaser.

And today I was reminded that it’s a disease. And it has severe consequences. When I go around faking it, and pretending I’ve got it all together, when I rush from one urgent demand to the next, I forget the simple things.

Like cranking up the jazz music and turning on the heater. And just sitting. And listening. With my eyes closed.
Like going for an afternoon walk in the sunshine with the dog. And not doing it because I need to burn calories.
Like walking slowly around the aisles of the supermarket with no list. No rush. No hurry.
Like reading a book. Just for pleasure.

When I’m constantly rushed and trying to fake it til I make it, proving how good my life ‘looks’, I’m in danger of missing my assignment. What’s my assignment? It’s the ‘things’ God wants me to do. For Him. And for others.

You know the ‘things’. The little promptings you get that you think are just in your head.

Call that friend.
Make a meal for that person.
Smile at that stranger and say ‘hi’.
Pay for that person’s coffee.

Such little things. But so easy to miss when I’m too busy doing all the other ‘things’ I think are important. Faking it so it looks like I’m making it.

If I want God’s direction for all the decisions in my life – both the big and little ones – then I must slow down enough that I don’t miss those little nudges from God – the ordinary moments when He points me in one direction and says “Go”.

Because when He can trust me with the little things, then He can trust me with the big things.

3 thoughts on “Faking it

  1. Hey Nicki,
    Thanks so much for the reminder. Life isn’t perfect, I think we all know that. Social media is like any other addiction and should be treated as such. When we allow it to control our life and our feelings of self worth or lack thereof, it’s time to let go.
    As always, love your writing style

  2. Nicki, I’ve missed reading your blog so much. I took a needed break to rest a bit, but how I love your words that speak so deeply to my heart. I fear “faking it,” yet know I do it so often. I’m working toward those #bestyes moments because I want them. I want to please my LORD.

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